Final Blog Post

My yoga experience was one of the most eye opening adventures I have been on. I think that going to another studio would have definitely effected the outcome. I am glad that I went to a place where a more tradition and beneficial practice was being held. Many people practice yoga for the strengthening, and many take it for the liberation and meditation. I also originally went for the strength and flexibility practice, but I learned a lot about myself through this practice.

Am I enlightened? Probably not.

But I learned to have patience with myself, and the more time I spend practicing, the easier my body becomes adjusted to the different postures. I learned that I have good days and bad days, and both of those days should still be spent practicing.

I also learned to forgive myself. I forgave myself for the cheat days when I was down and ate too much cake, or the days I slept in and did not complete a work out or go to yoga. All of that led me to the exact moment that I am in today, and I don't think I could change that for the world.

I am moving to Philly soon, and I want to continue my practice, but I might find it hard to trust a new teacher, I'm sure we will see how well it goes.

So... What's Your Body Got To Do With It?

When we think back to the original yogis in India, we can recall them sleeping outside, with food only gather by donations and absolutely no care for their physical bodies. These yogis had no care for their bodies.

Physical earth was merely a highway and their bodies vehicles on a journey to enlightenment. A true yogi believed that there is no use for our physical bodies, that they are just a way for our mind to interact with world to satisfy God.

It's hard to believe that we went from this form of yoga to ashtanga or even as far as butti yoga. The journey of postural yoga seems to happen overnight. Practices that are considered classical yoga (such as Iyuengar and Ashtanga) center around manipulating the body in certain positions in order to heighten the spiritual effects that yoga can offer.

In today's western yoga, physical fitness and health are the priority of yoga over mental clarity and spiritual awakening. Rather than allowing our bodies to starve and our muscles to fatigue, many compliment yoga with other holistic and "eastern approaches" to care such as a vegetarian diet, essential oils, Himalayan salt lamps, and lotus flower tattoos. Yoga is studied now for the claims that western yoga have for benefiting the body. For instance, every pose in Bikram yoga claims to benefit a different part of the body such as kidney function, circulation, digestion, etc.

It is very hard to find an instructor that does not use main stream media to supplement their practice. And that is the big difference between many ways yoga is practiced now. If you try to find the "proper" way to do yoga, you won't find an answer. Although I may not fully agree with this notion, there is no proper way to do yoga. Yoga is a basic idea that is open to interpretation. (Although no part of yoga should include twerking *cough cough*).

Meditation in Yoga

Meditation alone was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I was tired, and keeping my eyes closed and my back up was hard in such a silent environment.

However

I feel as though my Savasana before and after my practice is my more pure form of meditation that I will be willing to have. When my yoga practice first starts I lay down for around 5 minutes to begin focusing on my breath. Everything around me for that time does not matter. I am able to feel the mat pressing against my heels, to my calves, to my shoulders, to my head. I begin to discipline my breath- breathe in, pause, breathe out half, pause, breathe out the rest- repeat. My breath is the center of my focus for the rest of the practice.

I guess you could say my practice is meditation too. During my practice, I am clearing my head. I am breathing and focusing on getting my breath back the second I lose it. I working towards an active exhale rather than passive. While forcing myself to breathe a specific way, I am losing the stresses of the outside world- which we all know is something that we all need every once in a while.

Even though I have to eventually leave the studio and return to my stresses, my mind is clear and allows me to thunk about the goals have set out and what I need to do to accomplish them without the clouds of confusion or stress that usually follows.

Today, I felt weak.

We have our highs, and we have our lows... yesterday's practice was my low. School is catching most of my attention this week and my responsibilities are very demanding. They pull me from all angles when all I want to do is lie on my mat or hide in the gym for a few hours. This is that one time a year, or few if you are like me, where everything falls apart. You suddenly become less  organized, your notes are suddenly scribbled, your room is a mess. Rather than doing assignments the week before, you find yourself finishing them the hour before class starts. My drive at both at my jobs seems minimal, and I find it very hard to work at a faster tempo and manage to keep a smile on my face, even in a relaxing setting like the maternity wing I work in at the hospital.

Even though my efforts have been minimal, I still end up at the gym every day, and I end up at yoga every Wednesday. This is something I convince myself to do, because otherwise I will be upset with myself. Yesterday's practice seemed like a low point for me. I haven't eaten much this week... I've been so busy. I have not been taking care of myself in the way that I strive to every other day of the year.

Yesterday's practice was very calming, we stayed close to our mats and focused on balance. It was not a physically demanding class, yet I felt pain in my shoulder from a nerve I could tell was not properly placed during my posture. That dull pain is not the same pain as you would experience from lifting weights, or even being punched in the arm. The pain is absolutely internal until the nerve reaches an area where it is no longer hurting. I stopped, would wait for the pain to quit, and try again. I had problems finding my breath and my ribs felt extremely tight.

Stress has my body feeling very worn down lately. But there is a happiness and a sanctification knowing I made it to my mat this week, and although after I had a horrible workout- I still had one.

Yoga Defined Through Practice

I learned a lot of things between my last two yoga classes. Yesterday was a fantastic class for me. I was not anymore flexible or stronger than I was my last class. Physically, I had not made much progress. Mentally, I let go. Mentally, I focused on my breath and allowed my body to become free. I let my head tilt back a little farther and breathed a little deeper in my postures, and that allowed me to really think of my alignment and place my body in the proper positions to benefit my body without causing it harm.

My teacher was making me bend in ways that was painful, but we were laughing. She was showing me the proper ways to bend my back without injuries. We were all having a great practice even though we could hear the hale pelting the windows around us.

I think this was the first class where I truly learned about yoga. Not the physical practice, but what it meant to me. It was the first time I looked behind me and focused for balance rather than looking forward and staying comfortable.

My yoga teacher teaches me that yoga is more than some pretty bend or inversion that looks good on social media. That its not about just making myself stronger. I am beginning to find myself in this practice. I am beginning to trust my body and breathe when the situations a little tough. I've been using that practice in more with just yoga- in my rock climbing, stresses in school, work.

Yoga benefits more than just yoga.

Sivananda as pop culture practice

With all respect to the practice, Sivananda resembles the popular yoga culture we are currently seeing. By now, we all know that the origins of yoga were not those that included postures, or physical practice. Yoga was used as a sacrifice to God only to be used by the chosen yogis. Yoga was a ritual that consumed the entire life of a yogi and those who chose to follow him.

Sivananda is another form of postural yoga practiced primarily in the west. One thing that Jen mentioned is what really made me think that this is what people are practicing when they think of yoga. She said, "Sivananda does not focus on the alignment, or the shape of your back in the pose". Throughout my practice I've learned that improper posture can cause a lot of physical pain and will allow you to benefit from the practice.

When Jen said this to me. I immediately looked at my professor. All I know is flattening my back. Stretching the proper way. My professor said Sivananda was her original practice. I'm curious as to why she stopped.

I know that I felt powerful in some of the inversions, but every time, whether I was told to or not, I was focusing on my alignment, on how my back felt against my hips, how my toes felt against the ground. I was focused on making sure my shoulders were in between my ribs.

I have a great teacher.

While alignment is not focused in many physical fitness regimes, it is not surprising that pop cultural yoga also may not focus on proper structures also. Rather, we see how we can bend and hold our bodies and push ourselves to a limit. We see if we can be better than who we were the day before. Most of us.
Others just really like how they look in yoga pants.

Yoga as a healing practice

Yoga instructors of different types all claim that each of their postures, done in the right temperature, in the right position, will treat a certain ailment or help with a certain organ's blood circulation. I have not experienced this yet as I am still in the process of fixing my postures so my muscles aren't sore after.

While most people know that yoga can be good for the body, many don't know that without proper focus or concentration you can get really hurt. This post is an anti-health benefit post.

My last yoga experience taught me that practice must be gone into with a clear head, or it could be very detrimental.

Wednesday morning I walked into practice like I do every week. I was so excited because this was supposed to be the beginning of my workout for the day. I look forward to yoga. Until my phone rang. I received information regarding personal family information. I decided "It's fine; I'll deal with this after practice."

That wasn't the case. I am used to being adjusted during practices. I know I am a beginner and I know there is a lot I have to learn. Yet, somehow, every time I was adjusted I pushed so hard into my shoulders or other wrong angles of my body to the point where I was in physical pain. Downward dog didn't hurt because I was stretching, it hurt because I wasn't focused. Every time I sat in a position for a little bit, my mind was racing.. it was actually racing the entire practice. I was so frustrated with myself and in so much pain from not concentrating on my body that I walked out earlier than I had intended.

It is two days later and my shoulders are still in pain. Yoga should never do that to you. But it wasn't the practice that did that to me, it was me that did that to me. I allowed one moment in my life to effect all other moments after, and even though the problem is resolved now, I still feel the effects in my shoulders to this day.

Your mind and body are connected. If your mind is not in a healthy state, your body will follow and vice versa.

I was so upset leaving the practice because I felt as though I failed myself. My physical health is extremely important to me, and I love yoga because it is something that everyone can do, but can only do with consistent dedication and practice. Again... mind follows body, body follows mind.

Ashtanga Yoga Had Me Falling On My Ashtanga.

Sorry for my horrible humor, but that was the first thing that came to my mind when my practice was over and it stuck for a few hours before writing this post.

Ashtanga yoga was really cool. I don't know how to say that professionally about a physical practice. Ashtanga yoga was an empowering act of physically demanding poses that required a lot of focus and understanding and overcoming your own body was a true experience? I guess that was more professional. But it's not a lie. I enjoyed this practice more than any of the others I have seen in my entire one and a half month yoga career. (If any true yogis see this one day please know that that comment is satire.)

Something about ashtanga stood out to me. The idea of series and advancement really caught my attention. That there are specific positions you do everyday at the request of your guru, and only when you are truly ready to move on you will. There is a structure and ritual to ashtanga, much like every other yoga type. There are repeating postures, each time flowing a little more perfectly than the next. You must continue to repeat these postures until your body, mind, breathing, and energy are in a perfect sync. Our instructor said that some people will be on sequence 1 their entire life. BUT IT'S A GOAL. It is a true goal with true rewards and true challenges.

The only thing I didn't like was the rolling of my back in order to touch my toes. In my recent posts, I have made comments that I truly believe my lumbar vertebrae are all fused together because my lower back is that inflexible. My usual instructor instructed me why this happens and how to fix it. Great! I was so excited to use this advice during my practice today. But rather than strengthening my core, bending from my hips, and slightly bending my legs so I could get the perfect forward fold where it mattered (in my 2 inch long spinal cord),  I was told to straighten my feet and only go as far as I can. That's exactly what I was doing before! That was what I was doing wrong! This was a little discouraging as I tried to sit each pose to work with my body while still following Laurie's instruction.

I had fun, though, don't get me wrong. Ashtanga is a beautiful practice with beautiful minds and beautiful determination. I definitely would like to learn more about this practice moving forward.

P.S. I tried doing a REAL headstand when I came home... didn't happen.

Is It Considered A Ritual If I Suck At It?

Based on the article by Nevrin, How might your practice be analyzed as a "ritual"? How does this ritual function to change the nature, impact or intensity of your practice experience? 

This week we're talking about ritual, not the ritual space but the actual ritual. What happens when I step on the mat.

When I practice at Yoga Nine, we start and end with Savasana, which (to me) involves laying down and gaining control of my breath. This is something that beings and ends every practice I begin. Sometimes before I go to yoga, I am not mentally prepared. Sometimes, I'd rather curl underneath my blanket and sleep in... but I go. This few minutes of relaxation allows myself to get out of my head and focus into the rest of my body. This prepares me for my practice

It is also important to notice that the first 2 or 3 poses are done in repetition. This is done to open that specific body region that will be focused on during the practice.

We then do a series. We repeat some poses in a sequence around 3 times. The first time the pose is extremely hard and I am usually in pain. I adjust.. or am adjusted accordingly. The second time, I notice my mistakes and work on them in the posture. By the third rotation, I get a huge grin on my face when my instructor yells "Yes! That's it!".  This pose repetition makes me work harder each time. I'm new at yoga, and sometimes I don't know the exact directions that are being yelled out in front of the class. I look to other people for guidance. By the end of the third rotation through posters I remember what I am supposed to do and how my body is.

I guess what you can conclude from my rambling is this: my ritual is repetition. Sometimes my ritual makes me feel weak because I know I cannot do a full downwards dog or I am the only person in the room who takes a sip of water. But my ritual is mine. My ritual makes me stronger. Everyone's practice is different because we all facing our practice in different bodies.

I sweat during my practice. A sign that my body is working too hard. Perhaps my body needs to work harder now in order to work more efficiently later.

Iyengar Yoga

Iyengar Yoga focuses on the alignment of the body during postures and the control of the breath.
Where Bikram yoga felt more as pushing your body to breathe through awkward positions and twist to "circulate blood through special organs", Iyengar really focused on where my back and my upper body were throughout each posture.

I truly tried to focus on my breathing, but breathing, posture, sides, hips, breathing again.. My mind goes everywhere when its supposed to be focused.

Iyengar seemed "normal" to me. It was a lot of stretching, sitting, lunging...
I didn't feel much pain after this class, perhaps its because I'm getting better? Or maybe it was because my torso is the size of a 5'0 woman and my legs are the size of a 5'7 woman and I can't reach my toes.

I found my breath here much easier than I did with Bikram yoga, but with Bikram yoga I received a sense of accomplishment... and then a sore lower back the next day.

It was relieving though at the same time. These past two weeks have held a lot of challenges for me. Between school and my personal life, this was two hours of peace and focus to clear my head and focus on my body for a moment in time, even if it was brief.

Raise Your Hand if You Love Bikram?!

Today was my first experience doing Bikram yoga. I have a lot of mixed feelings about it, let me explain why:

While waiting for class to start, everyone is talking about how hard it was going to be... like they really expected the instructor to hold the highest level yoga class to students who don't habitually practice yoga. There's levels to yoga, even though we think we're ready for level 2 we are still somewhere between level zero and half way to one. Everyone else becoming nervous made me nervous.

Yoga is something that no one is "just good at". In high school I got a varsity letter for everything my first try: lacrosse, cheerleading, show choir, being active wasn't a chore for me. Yoga is the first thing in my life that is physically challenging for me. I think this is why I'm so drawn to it. I go to the gym every day, but like our instructor said today, "Doing something every day no longer confuses your body, and at some point you aren't really benefiting from the exercise anymore".

Bikram offers more than a physical practice, so the instructors say. We will call our instructor Jim. Jim sat in a chair in the front of the classroom and played a yogi version of Simon Says: I say a pose and you are going to do it. Then as you are holding this pose in whatever way you are, I am gonna list all the health benefits that I am claiming that pose has, I'm gonna tell you to switch sides, and then we're going to do it again. While the flexibility in a few poses did actually open up your chest for better breathing, I was more focused on keeping balance and not falling flat on my face then I was about my breathing; which, by the way, was supposed to be "normal". What does that mean?

Anyway, the class wasn't hard... he "modified" it for us and left a few poses out. It was challenging, yes, but I think if I went to another Bikram class I would get a completely different experience. Unlike the yoga classes I have been attending, the instructor doesn't seem to care about the placement of your body. The only way I could tell if I was doing something right is if a muscle started to cramp and I released the pose. Which meant I never really knew if I was doing something right. It's frustrating listening to someone yell instruction to you and you not physically knowing what to do to correct it.

I feel as though Bikram is very physical. The stretching and rotation of certain muscles and holding a pose in a certain form releases muscle tension while toning the body. This aspect, in addition to the extreme heat, has health benefits to them; perhaps even healing benefits like instructors claim.

Who am I to judge though? This is just day 3.

A Studio as my Ritual Space

We learn that yoga is more than a physical practice. We come to understand that there is a correlation between listening to your breath and the alignment of your hips to cause this ultimate circulation (of both spirituality.. and blood?). It is important to be in a surrounding, and be surrounded by the right people to make this possible.

Professor Laurie Greene, whom I will be taking instruction from this semester both in the studio and in the classroom owns Yoga Nine in Vetnor, New Jersey.

The first time I ever did yoga was in a gym classroom... one of those rooms with the big mirror in the front. I stared myself in the eyes I watched everyone else's motions from my peripherals. I judged. I judged myself, and I judged others. I compared my flexibility to the person I saw behind me. More importantly, I relied on watching someone else's pose in order to correct my own (which I know wasn't correct either).

Professor Greene has a long slender room, that holds maybe 10 people comfortably with their mats. There are no mirrors. You cannot look at the person behind you. The windows are drawn just enough to see the opening to the beach and the sun shining through the buildings. She has several candles and other figures in the front of the room which gives me something to look at other than the butts of people in front of me. I took a space in the front of the room today. I didn't have anyone to look at. I relied on Professor Greene's direction entirely.

Something about her class that I have never seen before is that she will adjust your body to the correct position... and it hurts. I work out everyday, but yoga makes me feel weak. I truly feel that I have no control over my body sometimes. Why is this hard? I can squat double my body weight, my legs are strong. Yeah right, trying warrior poses for an hour straight and your quads will be crying like mine are.

But I'm getting better.

I think its important that this space has minimum bodies and minimum "decoration". You are not on the mat to get distracted by a painting on the wall or cars that pass by. I close my eyes during practice sometimes, but most of the time I have them open. Regardless, there's nothing to draw my attention away from my breath. Sometimes I forget to breathe the right way, but I eventually remember.

Yoga experience day 2.

First Real Yoga Class Ever

I have attended one or two yoga classes that Stockton offers, and a few that a friend of mine taught, but never a class like this one. My professor turned into my yoga instructor for the morning. Dr. Laurie Greene started off the class slow, focusing on our breathing. In my head I'm saying "Yes, I can handle this! I'm doing yoga!" By the end of the class my body was shaking.

On her waiver, she asks- what do you plan on getting out of yoga?
My answer- flexibility and a better control of my body.

When you stretch before a workout, or watch yoga videos, you don't really understand that there is a right and a wrong way to touch your toes... so you just stretch from any point on your body that you possibly can until the tips of your fingers just barely tap your big toe. "Alright... I can touch my toes! I'm flexible" Wrong.

I consider myself very athletic. I go to the gym every day. I lift. I run. I stretch. I recover. I do it all over again. However, I had a lot of problems pushing my hips forward during "Warrior 2", and my shoulders started to cramp because I forgot to rest my arms in between my shoulder blades. If my knees were bent too long- they shook. If my arms were above my head too long- I could feel the rush of blood eager to get to my fingertips when I finally put them by my sides.

My first impression of this class following my lesson is this: "Let's go again." I am eager to learn, and eager to learn the proper forms. Yoga is something that people practice for their entire lives and still practice because they do not feel they have mastered it. One day in the classroom as taught me that I have a long way to go, but the human body is capable of truly remarkable things.