Today, I felt weak.

We have our highs, and we have our lows... yesterday's practice was my low. School is catching most of my attention this week and my responsibilities are very demanding. They pull me from all angles when all I want to do is lie on my mat or hide in the gym for a few hours. This is that one time a year, or few if you are like me, where everything falls apart. You suddenly become less  organized, your notes are suddenly scribbled, your room is a mess. Rather than doing assignments the week before, you find yourself finishing them the hour before class starts. My drive at both at my jobs seems minimal, and I find it very hard to work at a faster tempo and manage to keep a smile on my face, even in a relaxing setting like the maternity wing I work in at the hospital.

Even though my efforts have been minimal, I still end up at the gym every day, and I end up at yoga every Wednesday. This is something I convince myself to do, because otherwise I will be upset with myself. Yesterday's practice seemed like a low point for me. I haven't eaten much this week... I've been so busy. I have not been taking care of myself in the way that I strive to every other day of the year.

Yesterday's practice was very calming, we stayed close to our mats and focused on balance. It was not a physically demanding class, yet I felt pain in my shoulder from a nerve I could tell was not properly placed during my posture. That dull pain is not the same pain as you would experience from lifting weights, or even being punched in the arm. The pain is absolutely internal until the nerve reaches an area where it is no longer hurting. I stopped, would wait for the pain to quit, and try again. I had problems finding my breath and my ribs felt extremely tight.

Stress has my body feeling very worn down lately. But there is a happiness and a sanctification knowing I made it to my mat this week, and although after I had a horrible workout- I still had one.

Yoga Defined Through Practice

I learned a lot of things between my last two yoga classes. Yesterday was a fantastic class for me. I was not anymore flexible or stronger than I was my last class. Physically, I had not made much progress. Mentally, I let go. Mentally, I focused on my breath and allowed my body to become free. I let my head tilt back a little farther and breathed a little deeper in my postures, and that allowed me to really think of my alignment and place my body in the proper positions to benefit my body without causing it harm.

My teacher was making me bend in ways that was painful, but we were laughing. She was showing me the proper ways to bend my back without injuries. We were all having a great practice even though we could hear the hale pelting the windows around us.

I think this was the first class where I truly learned about yoga. Not the physical practice, but what it meant to me. It was the first time I looked behind me and focused for balance rather than looking forward and staying comfortable.

My yoga teacher teaches me that yoga is more than some pretty bend or inversion that looks good on social media. That its not about just making myself stronger. I am beginning to find myself in this practice. I am beginning to trust my body and breathe when the situations a little tough. I've been using that practice in more with just yoga- in my rock climbing, stresses in school, work.

Yoga benefits more than just yoga.

Sivananda as pop culture practice

With all respect to the practice, Sivananda resembles the popular yoga culture we are currently seeing. By now, we all know that the origins of yoga were not those that included postures, or physical practice. Yoga was used as a sacrifice to God only to be used by the chosen yogis. Yoga was a ritual that consumed the entire life of a yogi and those who chose to follow him.

Sivananda is another form of postural yoga practiced primarily in the west. One thing that Jen mentioned is what really made me think that this is what people are practicing when they think of yoga. She said, "Sivananda does not focus on the alignment, or the shape of your back in the pose". Throughout my practice I've learned that improper posture can cause a lot of physical pain and will allow you to benefit from the practice.

When Jen said this to me. I immediately looked at my professor. All I know is flattening my back. Stretching the proper way. My professor said Sivananda was her original practice. I'm curious as to why she stopped.

I know that I felt powerful in some of the inversions, but every time, whether I was told to or not, I was focusing on my alignment, on how my back felt against my hips, how my toes felt against the ground. I was focused on making sure my shoulders were in between my ribs.

I have a great teacher.

While alignment is not focused in many physical fitness regimes, it is not surprising that pop cultural yoga also may not focus on proper structures also. Rather, we see how we can bend and hold our bodies and push ourselves to a limit. We see if we can be better than who we were the day before. Most of us.
Others just really like how they look in yoga pants.

Yoga as a healing practice

Yoga instructors of different types all claim that each of their postures, done in the right temperature, in the right position, will treat a certain ailment or help with a certain organ's blood circulation. I have not experienced this yet as I am still in the process of fixing my postures so my muscles aren't sore after.

While most people know that yoga can be good for the body, many don't know that without proper focus or concentration you can get really hurt. This post is an anti-health benefit post.

My last yoga experience taught me that practice must be gone into with a clear head, or it could be very detrimental.

Wednesday morning I walked into practice like I do every week. I was so excited because this was supposed to be the beginning of my workout for the day. I look forward to yoga. Until my phone rang. I received information regarding personal family information. I decided "It's fine; I'll deal with this after practice."

That wasn't the case. I am used to being adjusted during practices. I know I am a beginner and I know there is a lot I have to learn. Yet, somehow, every time I was adjusted I pushed so hard into my shoulders or other wrong angles of my body to the point where I was in physical pain. Downward dog didn't hurt because I was stretching, it hurt because I wasn't focused. Every time I sat in a position for a little bit, my mind was racing.. it was actually racing the entire practice. I was so frustrated with myself and in so much pain from not concentrating on my body that I walked out earlier than I had intended.

It is two days later and my shoulders are still in pain. Yoga should never do that to you. But it wasn't the practice that did that to me, it was me that did that to me. I allowed one moment in my life to effect all other moments after, and even though the problem is resolved now, I still feel the effects in my shoulders to this day.

Your mind and body are connected. If your mind is not in a healthy state, your body will follow and vice versa.

I was so upset leaving the practice because I felt as though I failed myself. My physical health is extremely important to me, and I love yoga because it is something that everyone can do, but can only do with consistent dedication and practice. Again... mind follows body, body follows mind.